"Life is actually really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." - Confucius
Simple isn’t always easy.
Within the confines of any home with multiple family members, it’s not only your own idiosyncrasies you deal with, but everyone else’s, too. You know a simpler life will be a better life for your family and that’s what you want to give them. So you struggle and you try new ways to find that sweet spot where everyone is happy.
And nearly always, no matter what you do, there’s always someone who isn’t on board with eating wheat germ and meditating daily. Finding a simpler, happier way of life can be tricky.
So you give up on simplicity and what seems to work. And it hurts.
The same thing happened in my home for a long time. Until we discovered these tricks to focus on simplicity and happiness.
These are six suggestions that can bring simplicity and happiness to your home.
1. Focus on yourself - not anyone else.
I didn’t do this until I was older. I had always worried about how everyone else felt about what I was doing. Then one day, I literally woke up and asked myself "Why?". When I realized I had no answer that fit the way I was living my life, I stopped.
Now, if someone says “Why don’t you <add criticism here>?” I can look them in the eye and say, “This is what I choose. This is me. If you love me the way I am, that's great. If not, that’s great, too.” Liberating. Simple. Easy. Happy.
Action Tip: Practice doing things you want to do without worry or fear of what someone else will think until it becomes natural. And when you are complimented or confronted, say “Thank you.” And forget it.
2. Be grateful.
When we focus on what’s in the distance, we forget what’s right in front of us. Sometimes what we think gives our kids something to look forward to each day or week, can actually teach them that today isn’t good enough.
But it is.
So learn to give voice to the gratitude for whatyou have right now, rather than focus on the future. Learning to love the right now and be happier in it is freeing.
Action Tip: Stop what you’re doing and appreciate where you and your family are and what you have. Let the past go. Forget about tomorrow.
3. Sleep more.
When our brains and bodies are deprived of the sleep they need, we become stressed more easily and the smallest complications often get blown out of proportion.
But when our minds are well-rested, we think more clearly, our bodies regulate our hormones better, and life looks, well, happier. I've noticed that the days we fight most are the days that we usually haven’t slept well and don’t think clearly.
Action Tip: Set a bedtime and stick to it. Allow yourself sufficient sleep (average is about 7 hours, but everyone’s different) for your mind and body to recharge so you can think clearly the next day.
4. Control yourself.
Giving in to our compulsive shopping and behaviors was costing us money and causing us stress. And it was also teaching the kids these behaviors are okay.
So we’ve learned a little self-discipline and use things like Movie Night at home to entertain ourselves. The kids are happier for it and we don’t go deeper in debt because of it.
Action Tip: Use Chains.cc an online motivational tool based on the "don't break the chain" method that helps you stick to your good habits and break bad ones (compulsive shopping, not overspending on coffee etc).
5. Implement systems so your family can thrive.
You think getting one ready for school each morning is sometimes crazy. Then, you add a second one to that morning madness and you lose your mind everyday before the bus comes. A system can end that.
You can simplify mornings by setting up Must-Do Systems the night before and that will get the kids out the door without tears the next morning. These are simple habits and the more habits you have in place, the more you can use your brain other things - like having fun!
Action Tip: Set up your mornings and evenings so that you take care of the duties you need to take care of quickly, easily, simply so your family will flourish in this happier environment.
6. Slow down. Way down.
You always plan to spend time with the kids, but things happen. So you shoot for tomorrow night. Then a thousand nights have passed and your child is no longer asking you to play with them. They’re no longer asking you to hold their hand. They’re no longer waiting for you to help them. And your time is up.
You don't get those “stressful” days so you can do them over.
I was running and getting things done. Sometimes, a lot. What I was doing though, didn’t matter. I ended up running to keep things done right for everyone else. What I wasn't doing was enjoying my family or my life.
So I just stopped. One more time.
I slowed down.
It felt weird and awkward in the begining. Now it feels good. I am now being nourished by the relationships in my life again. Because I took time to see them for who they are and what they have to offer...not just someone else to look or clean up after.
Action Tip: Assess your speed and your values. Spend your time doing things that are important to you (and let the rest go). And do them slowly so you enjoy them to the fullest.
The way to a simpler life isn't always easy but it's so worth the journey.
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